We're back!!!!!

This is the the image we saw every night at sunset.

This was our ride............

My three sons......and their crocs!

Me and Megan with our ankle bracelets.

Our little island princess............strike a pose.

Our mister strong man. Flex those muscles!!

What's up with the hair? You are still so cute!!!!

Our little "B" trying to be a muscle man.

Three kids in a tub- rub a dub dub.........

Okay, I am not sure about these waves and sand. Maybe if I shut my eyes it will go away.

This is the life...........rest my Nicholas-you deserve it.

We had a fantastic time! Thank you for the prayers. More exciting updates to follow soon....

We're off to the beach!!!!!

We are getting ready to go the beach and we are SO excited!!! Last year we were supposed to go to the beach but had to cancel because Nicholas was still in the hospital. It was so heartbreaking for me and Stephen as parents to have to tell the kids we were not going. They had such a rough summer with everything that happened to Nicholas and then they did not get their vacation. But as great as they are they excepted it with so much understanding beyond their ages. Well, last minute we had this very nice and giving family offer their beach house to us! Yes, we could go on a vacation-all of us including Nicholas. What a blessing!!

Well, my little drama king son decided the week we were to go to have feeding issues. He started refluxing really bad and started getting sick. So we delayed the trip one day, two days and then three days. Finally our great pediatric surgeon told us to come to Brenner and he would get a temporary fix for Nicholas so we could go to the beach. He was SO kind!! He really wanted us to go to the beach. He even gave us his number in case we needed him. So we headed to the beach with Nicholas and his lovely feeding tube in his nose. See the picture!!! I had forgoteen how sickly he looked-still precious but boy was he was not feeling well (this was only 2 months after his surgery and being on life support)

Nicholas did not get better at the beach. He started having a fever and was bleeding out his vent tube. So we had to cut the trip short and head back to Brenner. He spent a week in the hosptial.

So we come to this year. We are so excited. Please pray for our trip. That Nicholas will remain well with no incidences. Pray for our children. They deserve this trip so much. They have been through so much in their little lives and have handled it so well. We love them so much and want this trip for them!!! Thank you Lord for our children and many blessing in our lives. Thank you for our wonderful friends and family who have blessed us with so much love and support. Thank you for everything we have gone through with Nicholas. It has brought us closer to you and closer together as a family!!

Isn't he sweet?

Michelle, thank you for the great picture of me and Nicholas!! I will always treasure it even though I am not sure if he was trying to kiss me back or saying "Mom, enough already." The picture means more to me than I could ever express. Thank you!!

Take me out to the ball game.......

Take me out to the ball game
Take me out with the crowd

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack

I don't care if I never get back

Let me root, root, root for the home team
If they don't win it's a shame

For it's one, two three strikes I'm out
At the old ball game.

Guess he wasn't too impressed with his first game!

From the mouths of babes

We had the craving for Chinese food the other night, so I gave in and forgot that I did good on my diet thus far and went to get the Chinese food(by the way, I did only eat a small amount!!) Well the kids could care less about the food. They get excited about the fortune cookies and not the cookie itself but the fortune inside. They think the cookie tastes like cardboard. Well, Stephen D, my oldest at age nine, opens his and reads it. Here goes the conversation:

Stephen: Mom, this fortine cookie is not mine.

Mom: What do you mean? You picked that one. It's yours.

Stephen: No, mom, this one is Nicholas' fortune. It is about him. It says "Your happy heart will bring joy to others that meet you." See mom, that is what Nicholas does (Isn't he the sweetest?)

Stephen David, you are right. Nicholas does bring so much joy to those that are a part of his life. But Stephen....that fortune was meant for you. Your sweet and caring heart for your little brother brings so much joy to us! We are so proud of you, Stephen! You show all of us it's not what is on the outside that matters but what is on the inside.

Happy 4th of July

We hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July

The Son is always there

As I write this a family is grieving over the lost of their "heart" daughter. She went to be with the Lord while her mother cradled her in her arms. As I prayed for them, with them, sent words of encouragement, it brought back so many memories of the first time we almost lost Nicholas. We almost lost Nicholas twice in one year. Twice. There is no way to describe that fear and pain of losing your baby.

It was May 4th 2007. Nicholas had his heart surgery the week before and everything went well. We were thrilled. The surgery was done. His heart was in great shape. Now it was time for him to heal so we could go home and begin our life. A few months before his surgery, Nicholas came down with RSV. It wasn't bad. He was never hospitalized. It was more like a bad cold but it did damage to his lungs and caused even more congestion than his norm. Nicholas' left lung was highly congested and kept collasping after surgery. This could have been due to the RSV. Our daughter had RSV at 2 weeks of age and now has asthma due to the damage caused by the virus.

That day Stephen and I headed to Brenner for our first trip of the day. We always went from 9-2 and then came back around 4 or 5. We had a good visit with Nicholas. He was getting fussy. I remember telling them that he wanted a bottle. I cherish that comment now. His bottle-he never got another one. When it was time to go, Nicholas kept staring at me following me with his eyes. I couldn't leave while he was watching me. It broke my heart. I asked the nurse to get his attention so he wouldn't see me leave. I will never forget my precious son's eyes watching me for the last time.

We went home and spent time with the other children. This time we brought back my mom, my father-in-law and our two sons to visit Nicholas. The boys had not seen Nicholas yet and since he was doing so well we thought it was time for a visit. Megan was with a friend. We went straight to the intercom to get buzzed in. "Nicholas' parents-we're here for a visit." Our response was "just a minute." Okay, maybe he is getting new linens or something. We wait. Again, the same response. Well, nothing can be wrong, right? He was fine when we left. I start getting nervous even though my mind says nothing is wrong. My gut says something is terribly wrong. Then a parent in the waiting room says " A baby is coding. We have to wait out here until things calm down." No, it can't be. Not my baby. Stephen starts banging on the door. "Let us in. Let us see our son." No one could tell us what was wrong because everyone was with him trying to save his life. Nicholas' room was right in front of the door. When the door opens you can see his room-walls made of glass. Finally someone opens the PICU doors. " I am so sorry but I cannot tell you anything." Stephen holds the door open so I look inside. "No!" It is my son! His room is crowded with doctors and nurses. What happened to my baby? He was fine when we left. Dear, God, please don't take my son-please!

We finally get put into a private room and "our" nurses/friends come to talk to us. We are not sure what happened. Around 4:45 he started declining. We immediately started CPR and the surgeon is still working on him. This can't be-not Nicholas. I saw the looks on our dear friends faces, our nurses, his doctors. I knew it was bad, really bad. We are losing our baby. "Dear God, how can I live without my baby?" Please, don't take him from me. Please, don't take him from us. We call our friends-we need you, he needs prayer. They all immediately come. We are surrounded by support. Nicholas is surrounded with prayer. Finally, the surgeon comes in. We have him stable. He is on ECMO, life support. His lungs had collapsed, stopped working. His heart took on too much pressure trying to take on his lungs so his heart stopped as well. Right now, he is stable. He was without oxygen for a time so he could have some damage. His body was hit really hard. There could be permanent damage to his brain, kidneys, lungs, everything may not work again. We have to wait but....right now he is stable.

We went in to see him. He was cold. They kept his body temperature cold to help prevent any further brain injury. His eyes were wide open-unseeing. It should have been scary but it was a beautiful sight! My son was alive and that was all that mattered. The next week would be a roller coaster of emotions. They thought he started having seizures, a bad sign. His organs were not working when they thought they should. "Stephen and Lisa, you need to prepare yourself that Nicholas may never come home. He may not be able to come off of life support."

I remember washing his clothes knowing this could be the last time. Looking at his bed, next to ours, knowing he may never sleep in it again. I remembered his smell. His cheek against mine. His head asleep on my shoulders. The way we used to play peek a boo in the mirror. The way he started saying "mama" right before he went into the hospital. The way he would stare at me when he had his bottle. His little finger holding mine. His voice cooing at other babies. His laugh when daddy played with him. The way he adored his big brother finding peace in his arms. His little bottom when I changed his diaper. I remembered his eyes watching me, listening when I would sing "you are my sunshine" to him. When I told him everyday "Nicholas, I love you so much. I am so proud to be your mommy. I am so proud you are my son. I will love you forever and ever."

One day, as Stephen and I drove to Brenner, I looked up to see the sun's rays shining all the way to the earth from behind a cloud. Wow, isn't that beautiful? How come I never noticed the sun's rays like that? And, I knew then. Nicholas would be okay. Maybe not like before but he would live. I felt the Lord's peace. His arms are those rays of light. Reaching down to surround us with his love and strength. His arms are always holding us even in those storms. He never leaves-he is always there. We may not be able to see him because of those storm clouds but the Son is always there. Stephen and I began to cherish those rays of lights. They always seemed to shine down on Brenner-on Nicholas' room.

Nicholas turned around that day. His organs began to work. His heart beat above the ECMO machine and he came off after a week. He did suffer a brain injury but that is okay. He has gone above and beyond what they ever said he could do.

Cherish every moment with your children. Tell them everyday day how much you love them. Read them that book for the hundredth time if that is what they ask. Go play ball instead of being "too busy" Laugh with them, enjoy life with them. Cherish them. Most of all, teach them the love of Jesus Christ. And always remember, behind those storm clouds, the Son is always there reaching out his arms like the rays of the sun, to hold us and protect us. He will never leave us.

Brandon-our little hero

Brandon-our sweet, little four year old. The third child who gives us our gray hair. The little adventurer that will take on any dare from his brother and sister. The little boy who always put everyone else before him. The brother who always thinks of his big brother and sister-always wants to buy them candy, shares everything with them, always wants a hug and kiss, and never goes one day without telling us "I love you" and "you are the bestest mommy and daddy in the whole world

The Lord blessed us with four amazing children. He knew that our three children, Stephen, Megan and Brandon would have to be strong children-loving and patient children to withstand everything they have been through. I stand amazed at my children. Their love and patience for Nicholas is astounding.

And then there is our "B"-our sweet Brandon, our little hero. Brandon was there both times Nicholas went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. The first time he was with us at the hospital. He never saw Nicholas that day but saw mommy and daddy terribly upset. The second time, a month ago, he was there with Nicholas. He saw his brother lifeless. He saw daddy run him inside to do CPR. He saw everyone crying because of the little baby-his brother-laying there lifeless. He saw the firetrucks and ambulance take his brother away to the hospital not knowing if he would see him again. How can a four year old know so much? We never realized the effect this had on Brandon until he came to me and said "Mommy, is Nicholas going to die?" "I don't want him to die, Mommy" Many nights I wake up to find him sleeping next to Nicholas. He stays by Nicholas, kissing him, patting him, singing to him, not wanting to leave his side. Our sweet Brandon-our little hero! He has been through more things than most adults have been through. Please remember Brandon in your prayers, our brave Brandon. BRANDON-YOU ARE THE BESTEST BRANDON IN THE WHOLE WORLD! Mommy and Daddy love you bunches.

Thank you to Stephen, Megan and Brandon for loving your brother Nicholas. Thank you for showing people the love of Jesus Christ through your love for Nicholas. You are all Mommy and Daddy's heroes. We are so proud to be your parents. Thank you Lord for all four of our precious miracles-we are blessed!!