I have my moments...

So I am going to be honest. I have my moments sometimes. Times when I wish Nicholas could be a normal down syndrome child. I see kids his age laughing, running around, eating and drinking, playing in the snow. I hear parents talk of potty training and moving out of the cribs into big kid beds. It hurts. My heart hurts and aches sometimes.

I hear of kids being sick and in a few days they are better. Not our son. Every single time Nicholas gets sick I start to fear. Is this it? Is this the illness that will take him from me? When I don't hear Nicholas breathing, I look at him to make sure I see his chest rising up and down. To make sure he is okay and alive. Do you have any idea what that feels like? That is our norm. That is normal to us.

It's normal for our kids to wonder why Nicholas is going to the hospital. To wonder how long he will stay-a week, two weeks, will he code again? It's normal for our kids to see therapists in and out of our home, to have so much special equipment, to have spare oxygen for those "just in case" times.

So, yes, sometimes I wish we could be like other families. Not to have these fears anymore. Then I have moments like today that remind me of how blessed we are and how special our little Nicholas is to so many people.

Nicholas got his feeding tube replaced today. Every six months we make our way to the hospital to get this done. The ladies in radiology are so nice to us. They don't remember our names but they remember Nicholas'.

Waiting...
Still waiting...

And still waiting....

An hour and a half later they are done. The whole process probably only takes 15 minutes though! I am waiting at the end of the hall so I can see when they bring him out. There she is with my Nicholas. My stomach immediately calms down and I get excited to hold my baby again. (It never gets easier to send my son off to have procedures done.) Well, the nurse stops to talk to another nurse. Come on, lady, bring my son to me! She continues to talk and then the other nurse bends down to talk to Nicholas. Then a third nurse comes out and kisses him on the head (lady, don't you know you shouldn't be doing that? Germs?!?!?) All of theses nurses are the radiologist ones. The three of them continue to talk to Nicholas, rubbing his hands and head, smiling and kissing him. I forget how anxious I am to get him back and watch this with pride filling my heart.

That's my son. My son whom they love. My son has touched these three ladies lives so much that they forget protocol to kiss him and love on him. They love him so much that they don't care that mommy is waiting to have him back. My son. My precious little Nicholas that the Lord has blessed us with has touched so many lives.

I love my son. I love him just the way he is. He brings so much joy to us. Yes, there is heartache and hurt but there is so much love and joy that overcomes any heartache. If everyone had a son like Nicholas the world would be a far better place. A place filled with so much love and happiness.