Nicholas James (1:17): Day 2

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Day 2

Dear Nicholas,

Well here we are on day 2. You had a rough night yesterday and they had to put you on oxygen. We figured that may be coming but hoped and prayed for something different. You are also in so much pain. You sleep for a few minutes then wake up agitated and tense. I am so sorry sweet boy. It breaks my heart to see you like this. I wish I could make it all better.

You also have so much congestion in your lungs. I can hear it from where I sit. That scares me and probably the PICU staff too. I pray it gets better. I don't want you to have to get intubated or to get pneumonia.

I am so proud of you Nicholas. My little boy I never knew I needed and wanted. I am so thankful that God is in control and that He knows exactly what we need in our lives. God is so good Nicholas. He will take care of you and He will never leave you. Rely on his strength, Nicholas.

You're awake again so I am going to sign off of your blog to take care of you. I love you precious boy! Stay Strong.

Dear Lord, thank you for a safe and good surgery. Thank you for my precious boy. I ask that you put your healing hand on him and heal his pain and heal his congestion in his lungs.
In your name, Amen.

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The Broken Gift

In August of 2008, I felt led to begin writing a book about our journey with Nicholas. The purpose of the book was to be twofold: First, I felt a strong sense to intimately share with others our journey of faith. It was my desire that people who were facing tremendous “life storms” as I call them, to see that God is faithful in all circumstances. Secondly, and much more selfishly, I wanted to present Lisa with the ultimate gift, a book about her son.

I began praying that God would open the doors if that were to be His will. I shared this with only one person, Chris Lewis, and asked him to be in prayer with me. Before I gave God the chance to answer me, I had already begun writing. Five months later, I had written six full chapters. During the process, I would occasionally email Chris a copy for his input. Unfortunately, he was a bit too encouraging, and the process continued.

Chapters six and seven began to slow me down. I was beginning to feel that my writing had become more about me than anything else. Additionally, I was becoming concerned that the book was taking on the form of a journal. I knew from research that journal style books were not welcome in the tough world of book publishing.

Chris had a friend in publishing who agreed to read my manuscript and give me advice. His advice stopped me cold in my tracks. It was just as I had suspected, the manuscript was too much of a journal. Strangely though, I was relieved. I had become increasingly frustrated during my writing sessions and now I could just stop. No more writing.

A short time later, I decided that I would share with Lisa the fruits of my secret, double life as an author. I printed the manuscript off in its entirety and gave it to her to read. I had dreamed of presenting her with a paperback book with a picture of her son on it, but this would have to do.

Fast forward to today. The original intent of the book has not changed. I want people to see Jesus when they see our family. I want people to know there is hope. I want people to understand that God is bigger than our circumstances and brings us through them for a reason.

With that in mind, I decided that Nicholas’ blogsite is a great way to still get my “journal” out there, into the hands of people who may be touched by our story. Each week I will add a new chapter.

To read The Broken Gift, click on the chapters below.

Chapter 1 Code Blue
Chapter 2 Back to the Beginning
Chapter 3 New Relationships
Chapter 4 The Arrival
Chapter 5 Life Goes On
Chapter 6 Surgery