Why this picture?

I have had people ask my why I don't change the main picture of Nicholas on this blog. It was taken a little over two years ago. He has so many cute updated pictures but honestly I am not ready to change it yet and this is why...

During the summer months of my pregnancy with Nicholas, we hung out at the pool a lot. Steve's mom had cancer and it was progressing rapidly. Nicholas' birth and heart surgery was rapidly approaching. The pool time was our little get away. As I sat on the lounge chair watching the kids laugh and play with Steve in the pool, I couldn't help but imagine the next summer. The next summer when Nicholas would be with us and the heart surgery would be done. I would rub my belly and tell Nicholas all of the fun things we would do next summer. The cute little swimming trunks I would get him, the float he would sit in in the pool. I couldn't wait until we as a family would be together the next summer.

Fast forward to May 2007. Nicholas had coded and was on life support. We lived second by second, not minute by minute, but second by second not knowing if Nicholas would live. It was an emotional roller coaster that drained us. Nicholas had been pronounced brain dead by neurology. We were told if Nicholas came home he would be a vegetable. I refused to believe that and so did many of our nurses and doctors. I looked at my son who lay there with eyes wide open, not blinking, legs and arms stiff, and knew that my baby was in there. I refused to give up. I would fight for him. Nicholas would come home.

So...I went to Target. Enough was enough. I was going to buy my son swimming trunks, sun glasses, a sun hat, and a float for the pool. I talked to Nicholas last summer about going to the pool as a family and that was going to happen. I refused to be "drained" anymore. I gave it all to the Lord and finally was at peace. It was going to be okay. Then my cell phone rang. It was Steve who was with Nicholas at the hospital. "Lisa, you need to get here fast. They think Nicholas is having seizures and have rushed him for a CAT scan." If he was seizing it meant he was going downhill. Again, here we go again. I sat there in Target with his cute outfit in my arms and cried. Then I stopped. No, Nicholas would be okay. I am buying him his swimming trunks and taking them to him right now. And I did. I drove to the hospital and set his new swimming outfit out on his bed. I told him he was now ready to come home and go swimming with all of us.

And he did! Nicholas did not have a seizure that day. They are not sure what happened. He came home in June. That picture is of my baby boy the first time he went to the pool. I treasure that picture. We had many trips to the pool that summer but the picture is of his first time. So...that is why I keep that picture up. A reminder of the love of Jesus, the blessing he has given to us.